Letter from an Older Woman

You’ve seen them. Those signs that say, “Bless this mess,” or something like that. And, of course, we all know that a bit of mess can feel homey, comfortable. I never mind seeing stuff out when I visit someone, mainly because it’s not my problem. After all, we all hate housework!

But chaos? Where people can’t find their wallet, their clothing, or their breakfast? Even where the people in the home are embarrassed to practice hospitality? I suspect the people in the family find that stressful. So much time is wasted and so much fun missed! How can a family get on top of this?

How I Began

Okay, let’s start with a confession–I’m a neat freak. Now it’s rare to find a mess in my home, and I always make the bed. It wasn’t always that way. As a teenager, the chair in my bedroom was frequently covered in a massive pile of clothing. When I was a newlywed, I rarely made the bed and didn’t realize I should clean the bathroom floor (yuck!). As a young mom, I was only too grateful when my husband’s cousin shooed me out of the kitchen, got down on her hands and knees, and scrubbed. I’ve never forgotten it!

Toddler and Baby Days

Then, I got post-natal depression, and my mother told me I should force myself to work. So, I put the two kids in the playroom, put a gate across the door, and every day I tidied and scrubbed for about 30 minutes before we left the house and went for a walk or to visit a friend. And I never left the house while the toys were still out. For me, it worked–I got better.

I went back to part-time work when my third started nursery school. We lived in England, so I took eight buses per day while ferrying my children to and from school! That, combined with music lessons for the children, exercise classes for me, Church responsibilities, not owning a car, and then beginning a master’s degree, kept me very busy.

Learning the Hard Way

The house remained clean and tidy. Perhaps this was partially because we didn’t have much, but it was primarily due to my realization that it’s good to cook, clean the kitchen, and do laundry every day, but there are a couple of things that can be pared back.

1) Laundry can be minimized. Pyjamas only need to be changed twice a week, and often clothing can be worn for two days (unless a person has been drooling or rolling in dirt).

2) ALL the weekly chores do not need to be done on the same day. I wrote down what needed to be done and assigned one job to each day: dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, groceries, scrubbing the kitchen thoroughly, cleaning the kitchen floor, emptying the trash, and watering the plants. That meant I never had to spend more than an hour or two/day on housework!

Teen Years

Then, we moved to Iowa. The prices were lower (so we had more stuff), the kids grew, and I began working full-time. Since that wasn’t enough chaos, we also took in extra teens. Additional organization was desperately needed. This is what I found helpful.

 Daily

1) First, I wrote down the daily jobs (taking the laundry to the machine and starting it, folding and sorting what’s in the dryer, doing the dishes, emptying the dishwasher, setting the table for dinner). I left the list on the kitchen table with a child’s name next to each chore. That meant they only had one chore each (apart from making their lunch), and it seemed like it wasn’t me assigning it. Even better, when I got home from work, all I had to do was make dinner and hang out with family.

Weekly

2) I typed a list of weekly jobs and told the children they each had to volunteer for two every Saturday. The leftover jobs fell to me. Since that gave me 8 or 12 weekly chores I could assign, I could also get creative and assign cleaning the downstairs windows or sweeping the garage, or whatever else I felt needed doing. The teens were choosing their own chores, so they didn’t complain (much). The fun thing is, I still see lists in my grown-up children’s houses.

Laundry

3) I put open-fronted stackable laundry bins on top of the dryer. As things came out of the dryer, they were folded and put in the correct bin. Everyone had to take their bin to their room and put the clothes away every day. I never had piles of laundry.

Food

4) I planned the weekly menu and recycled it every three weeks. That meant I knew exactly what I needed to buy, had very few extra trips to the store, and we rarely had to buy last-minute fast food.  

I’m Far From Perfect!

Of course, this didn’t always work perfectly. Some of my children (not saying who) didn’t mind a messy bedroom. I figured that was their choice and just closed their door. One time, I became frustrated, and I might have thrown someone’s clothing out the window (not saying whose). But most of the time, the discipline of being ultraorganized was a lifesaver. I’m convinced that’s how I managed to have my house on the market, my husband working out of state, four or five teens living in the house, and do a doctoral thesis all at the same time.

No Judgement. Just Advice

For those of you who may be feeling overwhelmed or judged, please understand that I didn’t start out organized. I became that way to survive! I’m also very aware that life has changed. Now there’s traffic, and a lot of time is spent driving. Now people live further apart, so kids need to have far more toys than mine ever had. Now homes are open plan, which means toys are not restricted to a room. Now kids have more than a few outfits. Honestly, life is harder.

But, even now when all my children are grown, I find it helpful and even peaceful to have a clean, tidy home where guests are always welcome. Marie Kondo made a fortune by encouraging people to declutter. I’m writing this for free, but I really do hope some of the techniques are helpful to others.