Jesus Can Even Use PTSD!

This post was inspired by the teaching of Dr Peter Walker on the beach of the Sea of Galilee. If you want to visit the Holy Land or the places where St Paul visited, check out the retreats he leads.

Jesus Uses What We’d Like to Forget

There are very few of us who don’t have memories that we would rather forget. Sometimes they sneak up on us when we least expect—or need—them. A particular sound, smell, or even word will throw us back into a place we really didn’t want to go.

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is defined as a mental condition that may develop after someone experiences a traumatic event. I’ll leave it to the psychologists to decide when flashbacks qualify as PTSD, but it’s possible that, for the Apostle Peter, they did. And that Jesus used PTSD for Peter’s benefit–to set him free from guilt and, possibly, the idea that God couldn’t use him.

Peter’s Life

Peter was a fisher of fish whom Jesus called to be a fisher of men (Mt 4:19; Lk 5:1-11). Peter spent the following years following Jesus, listening to His teachings, and even learning to do miracles (Mt 10:1). He was the first disciple to figure out that Jesus was the Messiah and the first to blurt it out (Mt 16:16). Peter was the one who passionately tried to defend Jesus as He was arrested (Mt 26:51) and swore he would never deny Him (Mt 26:35). Peter was sold out, right?

Then the dream turned into a nightmare. After Jesus was arrested and while He was being questioned, Peter was waiting right outside, standing by a bonfire. Those nearby asked Peter if he knew Jesus or had been with Him. Three times Peter said he didn’t (Mt 26:69-75). The cock crowed right afterward, as Jesus had foretold the night before. Peter, realizing what he’d done, went out and wept bitterly (Mt 26:75). Then, Jesus, the One on whom Peter had built his life, was flogged and crucified. This event was certainly enough to cause significant PTSD!

Jesus Appears

A few days later, Peter and some others, probably just needing to keep busy, decided to go fishing (Jn 21:3). Imagine their surprise when they looked up and saw the risen Jesus walking on the shore. He called out to them and asked if they’d caught anything, in a reminder of the story in Lk 5. They hadn’t.

Jesus told them to put their nets in again, and they caught so much that their nets began to break—just like when Jesus originally called Peter. Now, Peter recognized Jesus. How wonderful! But, I’m sure that Peter had that niggle inside, as he remembered denying Jesus, whom he knew was the Messiah.

Peter had good memories from the beach, but his memories of a bonfire were not so great. It was by a bonfire that he denied Jesus. As Jesus built that fire and the smell hit Peter, it would be astonishing if it didn’t make Peter’s shame-filled memory of what he did totally overwhelming. I wonder if he began to cry—I would have. And I do, when I remember times when my behavior brought my Lord shame.

Reinstated

By the bonfire, Jesus asks Peter three times if Peter loves him. Actually, Jesus asks Peter if he “agapes” Him.

Peter responds, but gone are the grandiose assurances of the past. He knows better now, because he’s been humbled by his own behavior. Peter knows that he’s not capable of loving like God does. He responds that he “phileos” Jesus. His love for Jesus is not perfect or even enough. He probably wondered, as we do when we fail, if Jesus would be able to use such a failure.

The good news for him and for us is that He can and He will. After Peter acknowledges his failure and adopts a new, more realistic view of himself, Jesus gives Peter a new responsibility. Peter was charged with taking care of Jesus’ sheep. Jesus used “PTSD” to help Peter learn that he couldn’t do it on his own. Then He reinstated him to His service. He set him free to serve. 

Jesus Forgives Completely

When we fail and our memories plague us, we may be tempted to give up on ministry. We may think, rightly, that we aren’t good enough. If so, we can look at Peter and remember. Jesus forgave and used him, and He will forgive and use us. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Phil 4:13). That’s real freedom! He whom the Son sets free is free indeed.