Being a Woman

I am a woman—a Caucasian human female. Therefore, my life should be easy—and it was and is, to a large degree. But, after reading a couple of books in my book club that highlighted the challenges of being a female in the recent past, ruminating on how my life experience differs from my husband’s, and hearing a sermon on John 4:1-42, I realized that being a woman still isn’t easy. I’m just used to it. Hear me out.

I’ve already mentioned one of the books we read: Lessons in Chemistry. It’s set in the 50’s and features a brilliant lady who wants to be a professional chemist. Avoiding spoilers, suffice it to say, she runs into obstacles, one of them being sexual harassment. It reminded me that BOTH my PhD and one of my MSc supervisors propositioned me. My refusal didn’t prevent me from earning the degree, but it made things awkward. I always had to make sure we met in public places. Interestingly, neither man seemed to think it inappropriate to approach a married woman, even in my home!

Career

My gender also hindered career advancement. As a somewhat naïve 18-year-old, I went to speak to a couple of medical schools. I received the message that I was unqualified because I had a boyfriend, and medicine was not a career for a married woman. At Warwick University, my major professor told me that degrees are wasted on women because they just get married. Whew! I persisted anyway.

Armed with a BSc, I married and began work at the Sir William Dunn School of Pathology in Oxford, supporting my husband. But I got pregnant. In those days, it was assumed that the mother would raise the children, do the housework, and follow their husband wherever he went. So, I did. I didn’t do the DPhil at Oxford that my supervisor proposed, and couldn’t complete the PhD in Birmingham that I started.

I finally did my PhD oral exam as an external student while taking care of four teens, my house was on the market, and my husband was living near his new job. For a career, getting positions in my field was impossible when the search had to be restricted to wherever my husband happened to be. As a post-doc in 2006, I noticed very few women who made it past the post-doc level. I believe this is changing. That change is overdue, of course.

Parenthood is Awesome!

If some of you think I regret putting my children first: no way! I love that they’re all healthy humans in relationship with their parents. It’s wponderful to be trusted with their most precious people—my grandchildren. I love my life! However, none of that changes the fact that my gender played a part in preventing me from having what some would classify as a successful career.  I hope things are different now. My son and son-in-law share child-raising and housework with their wives, and it gladdens my heart. They are true partners. Change is happening—I suspect it’s not complete.

Freedom

In a recent conversation with my husband, he was surprised to hear how being female affects my freedom. He never worries about walking outside after dark. He never holds his keys defensively between his fingers when in a parking garage. When walking along a main street, he is never leered at, and women never honk at him. You would think this is different now that the “Me Too” movement has gained traction! I doubt it, mainly since young women are still led to believe that their looks are their most important attribute! Shockingly, our president said that the Syrian president is young and attractive. Really? And that is important why?

I am so encouraged by how the next generation of girls is being raised. Some parents focus on praising their child’s efforts, not their success, their cleanliness, not their looks, their character, not their clothing. This is awesome! Perhaps, these attitudes will spread, not just in the USA but throughout the world, especially in countries where women are horrendously mistreated. I pray tomorrow will be better than today.

Jesus

Now to the sermon. In case you aren’t aware, in John 4, we have an account of Jesus meeting a Samaritan woman at a well. He asks her for a drink, they converse about faith and culture, and eventually he tells her to call her husband and return with him. She says he has no husband, and he replies that she is telling the truth. The woman has had five husbands and now lives with a man who isn’t her husband. The preacher was at pains to point out how Jesus spoke about the woman’s sin, but didn’t judge her. WHAT?? Her sin??

Of course, she was a sinner, just like all of us. But make no mistake. In those days, women didn’t choose to marry, nor did they choose their husbands. Although the villagers may have blamed her (unjustly), her marital situation was unlikely to be her fault. Living with a man may have been her only choice if she didn’t want to support herself through prostitution. In the cultural context, this makes it very possible that Jesus was merely telling her that He was aware of how she’d been mistreated and struggled. By speaking to her, He showed that He accepts her.

Why did this sermon make steam come out of my ears? Because I’m so tired of the double standard for men and women, especially in the Church! I don’t know what’s in his heart, but I suspect that he never even considered the context. Frankly, it was only 50 years ago that women in the USA could have a bank account. 2000 years ago? TODAY, in many countries?  Women don’t get the choice.

Faith

Life as a woman can be glorious. Many of us get to bear children. Not all. Some have loving husbands. Others don’t. But what makes it all worth it is knowing that the Creator made us female and He loves us like that. He considers us His precious daughters, not to be held back, exploited, abused, or looked down on. He sees the struggle and knows the truth. His love brings women the freedom to be what He made us to be—glorious, incredible women.