The doctor steepled his hands. “You’re showing signs of pre-eclampsia. If you don’t rest, we’ll have to bring you into the hospital for the next two months.”
I bounced my 13-month-old daughter on my lap. “Doctor, we have our meals in college with my husband. Is it okay to walk there if I go slow?”
“You need to rest. Sleep a lot and don’t walk more than ¼ mile daily.”
My heart sank. I was in an impossible situation. My active toddler had never slept through the night—not even once. College was a ¼ mile away, and walking there, as well as to the stores and the doctor, would definitely put me over the limit. Since we were living in England, having no car wasn’t a problem—until now.
Richard and I married right before he started seminary at Wycliffe Hall in Oxford. The timing was, in part, forced by the fact that I no longer had a valid visa. Because we weren’t engaged when Richard began his ordination journey, the Church of England only offered him a single man’s grant and assumed he would live in college. But he was married now.
Therefore, we were forced to live off-campus, pay rent, and cover the everyday bills. We’d planned that my earnings would make up the difference. A surprise baby changed all that. We were many months behind in our rent payments, and eating in college was a necessity.
Even though Richard spent much time applying for scholarships, their turn-around time was often a year or more, and that money was earmarked for our debt. And, with this news, we no longer had the luxury of time.
How could we possibly purchase a car and all that goes with car ownership? We were in an impossible situation: I couldn’t walk to college for food, we definitely couldn’t afford a car, and eclampsia kills.
We had much to worry about. How could we lay our burdens down? Let’s go to the Source of Wisdom and see.
Do What You Can, Not What You Can’t
“And if anyone will not…listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet…” Mt 10:14 ESV.
In this passage, Jesus is speaking to the disciples as he sends them on a missionary journey, but I believe that the lessons He gave have wider application. We are obligated to do what we can. In this case, we speak to warn, teach, and even rescue other people. I believe that may be extrapolated to mean that we should act to change those circumstances over which we have control (Acts 16).
It is important to note, however, that at no time does the Lord require them (or us) to do what they and we can’t. Nobody can control the actions of others, so if the villagers refused to listen, the disciples were instructed to wipe the dust off their feet. Richard could apply for grants, but he could not guarantee he got them. I could try and rest, but I sure couldn’t make our daughter sleep through the night!
This seems obvious, but how often do we worry about things we can’t control? What if that president wins the election despite my going out to vote? What if I get laid off, even though I work hard? It’s worth remembering that Jesus expects us to do what we can, not what we can’t. So, what do we do with our worries once we have acted?
Tell God and Get a Peace Barrier
“The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Pp 4:5b-7 ESV.
Right away, we see what we should NOT do—be anxious. Easier said than done! But Scripture gives us a recipe for overcoming our worries—a step-by-step process that ends with a defined result.
First, we can rest assured that the Lord hears everything we say (Ps 116:2). Just like I bend down to hear every precious word my grandchildren lisp out, God listens to you and me.
The next thing we must do is tell him our worries. When I was a child, I would climb onto my dad’s lap and, often through tears, tell him all about it. That’s what God is asking us to do. As our Creator, when we trust the Father enough to share our needs and concerns, I’m sure His heart melts.
Here, Scripture also reminds us to be thankful. When we stub one toe, it’s all too easy to forget that nine of them don’t hurt. When we are in an impossible situation, it’s all too easy to forget that we have supportive friends. When we have a healthy, active toddler who’s up all night… So, as part of this recipe, we list our blessings. More about that later.
Now we reach what this Scripture promises mixing these ingredients will produce. Just so you know, it does not mention receiving what you asked, nothing more to worry about, or even a change in your circumstances. The Lord may well do those things, but the promise is that God will erect a protective barrier around you. That barrier is called shalom.
You will probably experience relief after communing with the One who loves you most, but what is promised is that God’s peace, which passes understanding, will keep your essential being safe and possibly even functional. You won’t go crazy (a loose interpretation of guard your mind), you won’t be forced into sin, and you won’t actually drown in your tears (guard your heart).
Part of my Richard’s and my ministry has been to take troubled youth into our home and hearts. You can imagine the devastating sadness we experienced when one ran away and began drinking, one took a drug overdose and died, another wrote bad checks and started sending us angry messages, and…you get the picture.
The worries about them and our birth children could have been enough to make me crazy! God has an entire library of shelves holding bottles of my tears (Ps 56:8). Therefore, I have used and used these verses. By His Grace, although scarred, I am still a functioning believer. And many of the young people are, too.
Train Your Brain
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Pp 4:8 ESV
I guess Saint Paul knew that verses 6-7 might not be enough to control anxiety. Several of the young people I referred to above had excessively difficult childhoods. At first, we thought it best to encourage them to talk about the trauma. When one youngster became suicidal, we were forced to re-evaluate.
You’d be right to say that perhaps this kind of talk should only be encouraged by trained therapists who know what to do with the resultant mess. One psychiatrist even told us that some memories are better left buried! But which is which? Too complicated for my pay grade!
Having said that, we all know that our thoughts stubbornly refuse to stay within set boundaries. Even our most minor, let alone the major, worries are slithery things that easily escape our grasp and invade our lives.
That’s when it’s helpful to do as Saint Paul advises: train our brains. If you’ve done what you can, consulted with others (Ga 6:2), prayed, thanked, and left it in God’s hands, it’s time to do the really hard work. Turn off the news and focus on what is true, honorable, pure, etc. Every time your brain tries to escape down the worry lane, drag it back and think about the majesty of nature, good food, or beautiful music. Read Scripture promises out loud, sing hymns, and talk to a friend. Make and display a list of the positives in your life. Don’t obsess over the worry.
As with any new habit, this is hard. Very hard. But science has shown that if a person consistently works on training their brain, new pathways are formed, and when they do, it becomes easier.
Who’s Your Daddy?
“Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” Ps 55:22 ESV
So, how do we cope with the burdens we carry? First, we do what’s within our power, including sharing them with trustworthy people. Next, we tell Him about it as often as needed. He may not “fix” the problem, but we will receive the protection of His peace. Then, we train our brain to think about good things.
Finally, we remember that because the Lord loves us, He himself, sometimes through the family of God, helps us to carry our burdens. We may feel the weight and fill many bottles of tears, but our soul is safe with Him. He will not let the eternal part of us be moved. After all, the Lord of the Universe is our Daddy!
What Did God Do For Us?
Some of you may be wondering what happened to our little family. God provided us with a car—for the equivalent of $30. It drove wonderfully for three months. Then we took it for the mandatory inspection, and the mechanic condemned it on sight. Back to walking. The “baby” is now 38.