There are a few things I’ve known for as long as I can remember. First, NEVER touch Dad while he’s asleep. He’ll jump, shout, and might hit you. Second, Mom has a chocolate stash or two, and nobody had better touch them. And third, it’s important to unplug the toaster, the kettle, and anything that gets hot before you leave her house. Then check them at least three times.
Quirky Behaviors
As I grew older, I noticed other people with, how can I say it, unique quirks. Me for one. I was terrified of boys and men. Like TERRIFIED. I only relaxed around teenage boys when my sons grew up, and I discovered men are people. Believe it or not, it was a real eye-opener for me.
A young lady we took in as a teen also had some odd behaviors. One incident I observed happened when we came to the end of our metro ride and discovered we hadn’t paid enough for our tickets. The gate didn’t go up, and the man in the booth insisted I had to pay the difference with cash. I didn’t have any. The poor girl totally lost it, crying, shouting, and finally curling up into the fetal position.
While I was teaching at college, I came across another student who exhibited a rather interesting behavior. When another student looked at him, he punched him in the nose. When a classmate pushed him, he knocked her flying. The college counselor tried to talk about appropriate responses, but I wondered how a person can control a reaction that I suspected came about due to fear.
Traumatic Events
What do all these people, and indeed all people, have in common? We are a product of our pasts. Dad grew up without the benefit of loving parents in an abusive children’s home. Mom starved during WWII and saw that, even afterward, only wealthy children got chocolate. Both parents saw buildings burn down after they were bombed. PTSD anyone?
Trauma can even be secondhand. In my case, I learned that males are dangerous from my mother, who learned it from her father. The same father who lived in an occupied country where 10% of his fellow citizens were secret Nazis. He was rightfully paranoid; Mom learned it from him; she passed it on to me. When my sons became wonderful men, I realized what I’d absorbed was incorrect. I recently wrote Mom’s story with her. Only then did I realize where such a view originated.
So, what about the girl and the metro? Once I convinced the metro official that I couldn’t produce cash from my ear, he let us through so I could use my card in the machine. Then I turned to the sobbing 20-year-old, who was clinging to me with both hands. “Why were you so scared? Surely you knew he wouldn’t keep us there forever!” I was totally confused.
“Yes,” she hiccupped. “But, when I was little, they used to lock me in my bedroom for days without food. I wasn’t even allowed to go to the toilet. I hate being locked in anywhere.”
This sweet girl never did recover from her childhood and died at 31 years old. I cling to the knowledge that she is now with Jesus, who can heal anything.
Be Nice!
Why am I writing about all this? Because, through watching, I’ve learned that everyone has a past. Some may be dealing with loss, some with abuse, some with mental illness, and some with neurodivergence. Sometimes what is inside leaks out in what looks like strange behaviors. So, let’s be gentle with each other. Maybe (probably) that person who’s annoying you has a very good reason for what they’re doing. Err on the side of kindness.