The trouble with writing as a retirement gig is that there are SO MANY books I want to write! After Unforgivable, which will be out in a month or so, I want to write about Frits’s mother in a book called, The Truth Was Different. Then, I want to overhaul Ireentje. Next, I’ll write another children’s book, Becoming an Iowan Girl. This is a chapter from that book…
The Girl Scout leader had good news. Younkers, the department store in the middle of Des Moines, was offering girls lessons in being charming. Even though they weren’t teenagers yet, they would be taught manners, how to stand up and sit down gracefully, how to wear make-up, and how to walk. Carrie thought it kind of sounded like they would be trained to be models. Now, she knew that she wanted to be a ballerina, but maybe something of what she learned would be helpful.
On the first day of Charm School, all the girls were given a folder with tabs. There they were to gather the materials and do the homework. Homework for learning to be charming? Carrie pulled a face, which was definitely less than charming. She took the folder but decided ahead of time that she probably would not do the homework. Too silly and too boring.
The first lesson that the girls had was about the importance of being clean. They were taught that they should wash their face and hands daily, shower or bathe every few days, and wash their hair every week. The teacher was very stern about not washing your hair too often since she said it would dry it out. Carrie didn’t say anything, but she thought that dry is better than greasy. Nowadays, people tend to agree and think that a person should shower daily.
The teacher then showed them dry shampoo, a kind of powder that is brushed into hair to absorb grease. Carrie thought that looked interesting, but she knew that, with five children, her family would not be purchasing dry shampoo. Still, if it was powder, maybe it would be possible to use another kind of powder. Maybe baby powder would work. When Carrie grew up, she became a scientist—her curiosity started earlier.
As soon as Carrie got home, she took baby Jody’s talc and shook it onto the top of her head. Rather more came out than she expected, which made her sneeze. That made even more come out. Carrie grabbed the family hair brush and brushed and brushed. That made the brush turn white but didn’t help much with making her hair look better. In the end, she had to disobey the teacher and wash her hair, even though it’d only been washed a couple of days ago. The next day, Mom asked Carrie why the hairbrush was full of baby powder. Carrie offered to wash it out. Well, what would you have said?
The next Charm School session was on make-up. The girls were told that they were too young to wear much make-up, but that a bit of Vaseline on their lips and some mascara on their eyelashes would be okay. The teacher went on, leaving the house without one’s hair combed and make-up on was much like leaving naked. Carrie was appalled. She definitely didn’t want to ever go outside naked!
While Mom was making dinner, Carrie hotly told her about the dangers of not wearing make-up. Mom totally didn’t get it. She said that she didn’t mind if Carrie put some Vaseline on her lips and even her eyelashes, but that she would only be allowed to wear mascara and lipstick when she was 14 years old. She did, however, agree that it was important to dress respectably and comb one’s hair. So, for the next three years, Carrie always had tidy hair, greasy eyes, and greasy lips. You see, Vaseline doesn’t stay where a person puts it. Oh well. At least she wasn’t naked.
Day three of Charm School was to be on walking, sitting, and standing. The girls were taught that they should walk up straight and not slouch. Each of them got to practice gliding through the room with a book on their head. Carrie knew it was important to stand up straight, but thought that balancing the book was kind of silly.
Then, the teacher explained that, when sitting, charming girls never cross their legs or sit with their knees apart. Rather, they slant their knees to the side and cross their feet at the ankles. All the girls immediately adjusted how they were sitting in their chairs. Carrie wondered why boys get to sit with their legs apart and don’t have to cross their ankles. She felt it wasn’t quite fair that rules for boys and girls should be different.
Next, the teacher explained how a charming girl should slide into a car, with her legs pressed together. She illustrated how to get out, swinging both legs out the door and then sliding off the seat. Carrie determined to try it when she got home.
Finally, the teacher explained how a charming girl should sit, backing up to the chair until her legs touch it and then sitting, without looking behind her. Carrie raised her hand, “That seems dangerous. What if there’s someone behind you who’s about to pull your chair away.”
The teacher rolled her eyes. “Charming girls don’t look behind them,” she repeated, not really addressing Carrie’s concern.
Carrie felt pretty aggrieved that the teacher hadn’t listened to her very valid point. As a result, she didn’t hear about how a girl should walk gracefully with her tummy sucked in and her shoulders back. She just sat, slumped, and with her legs splayed. Yeah, she was a little rebellious.
For the next exercise, the teacher said that each girl should take turns demonstrating how to sit beautifully. Carrie watched, growing more and more angry, as every girl sat in the chair in front of Carrie without looking behind her. Finally, she decided to demonstrate why sitting like this is a dumb idea. Just as the girl in front of her was about to sit down, Carrie darted forward and pulled the chair away. The girl fell to the ground, and the teacher grew red in the face. Carrie figured that now, at least, the teacher would admit how wrong she’d been. Nope. She told Carrie to leave the room. Carrie tried to argue, but it didn’t get her anywhere. So, she stuck out her tongue and flounced out of the room. Definitely less than charming.
After class, the teacher called Carrie’s mother and said that she would not be allowed to return. Carrie had, most officially, flunked Charm School. Honestly, she didn’t care. I guess she just wasn’t very charming.
Okay now, seriously. Are you wondering what this is all about? Why should girls act and sit differently from boys? Why should they sit, stand, walk, dress, and more in a certain way? The answer is that they shouldn’t. In those days, people treated girls and women in ways that we would not think are okay today. They expected behavior that we now know to be unreasonable. In those days, they also thought that being clean might be harmful. Today we know that it’s not.
So, if you want to be charming, the rules are the same for girls as for boys. Be clean. No one enjoys being near someone who is smelly or dirty. Be kind. Don’t pull chairs out from under your friends. Be confident. Don’t think that you have to wear make-up, not wear make-up, dress cool or dress posh to be acceptable. Be respectful. Listen carefully to what others say. But, remember that, sometimes, even grown-ups might be wrong. If you think that they are, talk about it, but don’t stick out your tongue. If you do all that, you’re charming enough.